The American Experience, In a Bar

The American Experience, In a Bar

This is a story I would like to share about my experience as a ‘Bar Owner.’ I would like to share some of the stories that shocked me, some surprised me but gave me a view into how people interact and view one another. I consider myself an observer of people so owning a neighborhood bar for me was the perfect venue. I will share some of my experiences that some can relate to, others may find surprising, as I did.

Cleaning House: When you buy an existing business such as I did, the customers (patrons) are included in the transaction; they come with the inventory and make up a part of the list of fixtures. When I took over the bar, I noticed there were those that I considered undesirable. Those that are out to create a bad environment for others, instigators, negative attention seekers. For those that frequent drinking establishments, you would know the type. So what to do? I decided for me to own a bar, it would have to be a place where I would enjoy frequenting, which required removing certain elements from the establishment. Having to ‘bar’ people was not enjoyable, but to see one bad apple ruin the afternoon or evening for many others made the decision much easier.

The bitter cocktail: When you own or frequent a neighborhood type drinking establishment, you get to meet and deal with all kinds of people from a variety of different backgrounds. This incident was at the time Barrack Obama was running for President in 2008 against John McCain. What made this especially interesting for me was that I had recently watched a debate on a major news network discussing the state of racism in the United States. The topic was how far we’ve come to have an African American running for office. Some were saying how racism is dying off while some were in disagreement and stated that racism is still prevalent in our society. I strongly believed in the latter. I was sitting at the bar, it was a slow weeknight and a lady who was a regular approached me and asked a question. A simple question one might think. “Who are you voting for?” Now, there is a rule worth following in a bar: Avoid discussions regarding politics and or religion. I decided to bite, but I played it safe. I answered “I don’t know yet who I’m voting for.” I noticed her staring at me and knew instantly, she wasn’t the least bit curious about who I was voting for, she had something she wanted to say and used that question to me as an opportunity to express herself. So I asked “what about you?” Without hesitation she stated “Well I ain’t voting for no Ni**er.” As we sat there in an awkward silence for a moment, I decided to ask her “what do you know about him?” Again, without hesitation she responded “He’s a Ni**er.” For me this conversation quickly reached it’s conclusion. I got up and walked to the dart machine and decided to shoot some darts alone and think about this experience. I knew this person was not unique in her thinking, but that she in fact represented the views of many Americans. I heard a great deal from those that had similar views, outside of the bar as well and from some I never would have imagined. The fact that I had recently viewed a news program discussing race in our nation as I previously mentioned, clearly showed how some people are so unaware of the pulse of the nation. Sitting behind a desk and imagining how things are is a far cry from experiencing people first hand and listening to their opinions.

An unlikely and refreshing cocktail: As I mentioned earlier, I wanted an establishment that I would enjoy going to myself. As I was taught by my parents, you welcome people into your home, their race, religion, sexual orientation is irrelevant. Though this was not my home, I still strived to have a diverse customer base. And so it was. Here are some examples of the types of people that would frequent the establishment: Whites, Blacks and every color in between, ages ranging from early 20’s and up to the 80’s. Brits, South Africans, Jamaicans, Gays and Lesbians, working class to business owners, retirees. Basically the customer base consisted of every type of individual you can imagine. And what was the most amazing result from this concoction? How this mixture of different folks from all different backgrounds got along so well.

Well blended, with a little umbrella: As I mentioned previously, I consider myself an observer of people. There were countless times I would sit back and watch the interactions between customers, I would witness those that I knew had an unfavorable view about others different than them, yet would drink and laugh together, watch sports, shoot pool and darts and have discussions about their day and their jobs. I witnessed unlikely pairings assisting each other with rides to pick up their vehicles at the mechanics shop, buying each other drinks and showing concern about other and share in the sadness when we would lose a friend of the bar. That lady I mentioned earlier that had her specific views about Obama’s skin color, she had African American friends in the bar, and gay and lesbian friends as well. So I would ask myself how do these unique and different individuals get along so well? The answer was simple. Exposure. I’m not saying those with racist views changed, no. What happened was they had exposure to people that are different than them, they got to know them, sometimes with a great deal of hesitation. They learned that others have the same problems, the same goals in life, the same concerns and heartaches and issues as them. Different yes, but much more in common than they would have imagined had they not been exposed to one another. Those who have those racist views most likely will continue to, however they viewed those they were able to get to know differently, and friendships developed.

Last call: I have since sold this bar but I continue to go back, now as a customer because over the years I also developed friendships there. During the years I owned the bar my parents would frequent the bar as well. Several years ago I lost my Dad. I will never forget the kind words and support I received from many of the friends I made. My Mom thoroughly enjoyed attending parties there especially after my Dad passed, she would sit at her table against the wall and have one after another approach her and sit and talk to her. I once thanked some friends for their kindness towards her and was told “we don’t do it for you, we love her” which was so absolutely amazing to hear. I’ve since lost my Mom as well and again the support and kindness I experienced overwhelmed me. As I stated, I still frequent the bar and am quite pleased to say that the gentleman that purchased the bar from me is extremely welcoming to all, I was very happy that the place that I spent so much time in, made so many friends and memories is still a place I enjoy frequenting. This experience taught me so much. Memories I will never forget and some new ones yet to be made I hope. Cheers!

Lou Dos Santos